


Behind the Door

by kuroneko1815



Series: Star Knights and Halcyon Days [2]
Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-19
Updated: 2017-09-19
Packaged: 2018-12-31 13:57:31
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,698
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12133959
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kuroneko1815/pseuds/kuroneko1815
Summary: What if, in chapter 8 of Heart of Kyber, Cassian stayed for dinner? This is just a little AU to my AU.





	Behind the Door

**Author's Note:**

> I know... I promised this months ago but please accept my sincerest apologies. Also, Rogue One or any Star Wars characters are not mine.

Cassian had arrived at Alderaan sometime in the early afternoon. He delivers the papers and the reports to the Viceroy and while the two of them are in discussion, Winter arrives and she is drawn into the meeting. Winter was a valuable asset for Rebel Intelligence and Cassian was proud to have had a hand in her training.

Sometime near the late afternoon, he had felt a pull to something outside the door. He was barely listening to Bail at this point because it felt like something in him was insistently tugging him to go outside at that moment but he ignores it as he returns his attention to Bail. Trying very hard to remind himself that it had only been his imagination. Though he could have sworn he heard someone shriek outside the door and a part of his mind had whispered that it sounded like Nya whenever he jumped out of her closet to scare her.

“Thank you for these, Sergeant Andor. These will be a big help.” Bail’s voice pulls him out and he nods at Bail to show that he had his attention.

“It’s no problem, Viceroy.” He merely replies and when he was about to speak the door was thrown open and Princess Leia rushed in.

“Father!” She called out in alarm as she bent over gasping for air.

“Leia! A princess should knock first. Besides, I thought you were waiting for Ingrid?” Bail asks his daughter and Cassian shakes his head because it is none of his business.

“That’s just it! Aunt Rogue dragged Ina away! We have to help her escape!” Leia exclaimed and Cassian saw Bail turn paler before standing up.

“Excuse me Sergeant, I do have to go deal with this. But if you would be willing, would you stay for a while longer? Perhaps for dinner?” Bail asked and just as Cassian was about to decline his mouth had said something else.

“Yes, of course, it would be an honor Senator.” He says politely and with that Bail turns away and Cassian is stunned because he had not meant to say that at all, it was just that the gnawing feeling in his body has filled him with a need and a voice in his head keeps whispering _‘Stay. You must stay. She’s here! They’re here. You need to stay for them or you’ll spend the rest of your life regretting it.’_ And it unsettles him but he trusts his instincts, has no choice but to do so.

And as he waits for the Viceroy to return he begins to go over the rest of the data that the Viceroy had miraculously collected and it’s still a mystery how he often seems to get some of the best intel about Imperial movements. He knew that Draven had wanted him to figure it out but Cassian disagreed because whoever it was that was feeding him this intel was someone very important to Viceroy or at least seemed to be. Draven was suspicious of the Viceroy because of the fact that Bail Organa had disapproved of the separation between the Partisans and the Alliance but in all honesty, there hadn’t really seemed to be a benefit to keeping the connection. The Partisans were too bloody, too brutal, had little in the way of supplies or men, and were dragging the name of the Alliance in the mud.

Bail comes back nearly half an hour later and he looks more composed, his face alight with a quiet contentment and happiness, Winter follows in after him with a look of amusement etched into her face and there’s something about the way that she’s moving that seems as if she knows something that he doesn’t. The three of them go over Bail’s data since Cassian’s decision to stay gives them more time to elaborate or clarify certain points.

Dinner arrives sooner than Cassian would have liked but he nonetheless follows Bail and Winter to the dining room, the informal one that overlooks the gardens on the east side of the palace. They are the first ones there and Winter keeps looking at the door expectantly and it is so uncharacteristic of the regal young woman who he had at first assumed to be Bail’s adopted daughter. There is polite conversation going around as they wait for the ladies to arrive is pleasant and a part of Cassian feels pity for Bail to be so outnumbered by women.

“You haven’t met our Ingrid yet have you, Sergeant?” Bail asks and Cassian merely shakes his head and replies with a quiet “No, sir.”

“I thought so, oddly enough the two of you seem to keep missing each other by mere minutes whenever either of you visit… That painting over there…” He gestures to the portrait of the Organa siblings in their youth, “was painted by her grandmother who was a dear friend of my eldest sister. Her daughter, Ingrid’s mother, was personally mentored by Rogue, and Ingrid is now under her protection.” He finishes and Cassian files it away in his mind. Before anything more can be said though, the sound of laughter fills his ear and the door swings open to allow the women in.

There’s a lightness around all of them and Cassian stands to greet them, he is nothing more than a soldier in the presence of nobility after all, he gives them all a bow worthy of the court and as he does so he hears a gasp and suddenly there are cries of distress all around and as he gazes up he sees that one of the women has collapsed on the ground, heavily pregnant, her head turned to the ground as she is slowly being helped up as everyone begins to fuss around her and when she raises her head Cassian is met with **green**. It was a shade he knew well and the eyes that belonged to were just as beloved.

“Will?” She breathes out in disbelief as she stares at him. Everyone freezes at that and Cassian walks towards her as if in a trance.

“Nya?” He says in equal disbelief and suddenly he realizes that everyone is taking turns alternating their stares between the two of them. She steps back from him hesitantly when he gets close to her and Bail decides to take charge.

“Why don’t we sit you down Ingrid, it really isn’t good for a woman in your condition to be on your feet to much.” And with that he leads her to a seat in between Rogue and Leia that was conveniently in front of him. Everyone takes their seat then because the head of the house has basically given them an unspoken order.

“Introductions first then explanations.” Breha decides and Cassian glances at Nya… no… Ingrid? Uneasily and he could see her throw him the same look.

“Ina, this is Sergeant Cassian Andor of the Alliance Intelligence. Sergeant, this is Ingrid Vanko, my best friend’s granddaughter.” Rogue takes over, presenting Cassian to Ingrid as befitting their rank because he suspects that she has a curtesy title from the Royal Family.

“I don’t… I don’t understand. How are you here? I thought you were dead. I looked for you for a month, I went to every hospital and morgue but I couldn’t find you and there were so many people that died that day whose bodies were never found, I thought you were one of them.” Nya…Ingrid says and her hand grasps the knife in her hand and she stares at it for a minute as if she’s contemplating using that knife on Cassian, but she keeps her eyes down as she begins primly cutting her food. The others begin to eat as well and Cassian follows along as the silence stretches on.

“I was stationed in Inderon to observe the shipments in the factory, when the attack happened I was injured and immediately pulled out.” Cassian said as he slowly takes a bite, his mind still going through the fact that Nya is here, but she’s not Nya, and she’s also so very pregnant and he’s almost a hundred percent sure it’s his if he’s going by the timeline, unless she’s carrying multiples and doesn’t that just present a whole other nightmare for him.

“So… so what? You were just using me for your cover? Were you at least going to break up with me or were you just going to disappear on me?” She asks him, her voice heated and her grip on the knife and fork in her hands are so tight that her knuckles are turning white.

“I could ask you the same thing. When I met you, you were a waitress in Inderon named Nya Sinistra and now you’re some Alderaanian Lady named Ingrid Vanko. Which one are you really?” Cassian throws back at her in defense and a part of him is screaming that he should just grab her, tell her he’s sorry, and promise her that he’s never leaving her again but he ignores it because suddenly all those months of anguish and anger, those months spent practically drowning in a darkness that has become his own personal hell comes back to him.

“I’m a Partisan.” She says simply glaring at him and he drops the utensils in his hand to stare at her. None of the Organas look surprised by this so they must have known and he realizes that she must be the reason why Bail Organa was against the split with the Partisans.

“Oh so you’re one of the shoot first ask questions later? I never figured you for the type to care so little for the life of others. I mean, Partisans are known for heavy civilian casualties aren’t they.” Cassian practically snarls back because he had read the reports about the Partisans actions before the separation and he had been disgusted.

“You don’t know anything, you Alliance Intelligence always over react.” She scoffs at him and that’s all Cassian can take. He stands up and the room which was quiet and tense has become doubly more so as he could hear the screech of his chair being forcibly pushed back.

“Forgive me, I’ve lost my appetite. If you’ll excuse me. I need to go for a walk.” He said and he didn’t bother to wait for a reply, this whole night being a disaster, he knew that he ought to return and apologize but right now he needed to get away before he said or did anything he would regret. Before he was fully out the door though, he heard her utter ‘Lurdo!’ at him and his brows raised in surprise because she had just called him ‘dummy’ in Ewokese and he had told her he was from Fest, a place where the Ewoks were heavily prominent.

He walked around the gardens for a while enjoying the cool breeze of the Alderaanian summer night, the fresh air helping him calm down from his rising temper. It felt as if his thoughts were going faster than any hyperdrive ever invented as he thought back to what happened in the dining room. Nya was alive, she was an Alderaanian Lady, a Partisan, and heavily pregnant.

 _‘Okay. So what do you want to do about this?’_ A part of his mind asked (the rational one).

 _‘Screw this, just go back in there, apologize, sweep her off her feet, then kiss her senseless!’_ His more emotional side goes out to say and all he can do is to shake his head.

 _‘She’s pregnant. You’re going to be a father. The question is are you even ready or willing to do it?’_   The rational one asked.

 _‘But it’s Nya! We love her! We’ve been pining for her for the last few months! Are you really just going to let her, and our baby, go?’_ The emotional one pointed out.

 _‘Nya’s not even her name. We don’t know anything about her. And she’s a Partisan!’_ The rational one said.

 _‘And therein lays the problem. Why not just talk to her about it, drop the accusations for now and just hear her out. She’s pregnant and I don’t really see her being allowed to travel with the Partisans. She may have been basically alone these past few months. Alone and pregnant with your baby, thinking you were dead…’_ The emotional one pointed out, calmer now.

 _‘Fair point.’_ The rational one replied after a pause.

 _‘Well, Andor? What are you waiting for? Go to her. NOW!’_ Both voices said and he turned around and returned to the dining room even if he was still undecided about the baby. Unfortunately, it seemed he had lost track of time because when he got there the dining room had already been cleared out and he cursed himself because he didn’t even know where she was staying or if she was even staying until the morning.

As he started towards the room that had no doubt already been prepared for him, he stumbled across the Princess who looked quite put out with him if he went by her glare. Her lips set in a pout and though she tried to look menacing, the young girl failed simply because the features of her face were far too delicate to look menacing, in fact she looked quite like a petulant Nubian puppy whose master had kicked them, adorable but with a hidden bite. Nonetheless, he bowed and was about to utter an apology to the royal child when she cut him off.

“You upset big sister.” She just said blandly. Her arms crossed and he could see Winter running up after the Princess.

“Ahh. Yes. I was hoping to talk to her and apologize.” He had said sincerely and Leia’s face softened slightly.

“Fix it. And if you make her cry, I’ll… I’ll feed you to the fishes.” She said with a huff and she started to turn away but paused. “Her apartments are in the third corridor in the family wing, the first door on the right.” And with that she was off dragging Winter along.

“Don’t mess up Andor or you’ll be sorry.” Winter threatened with a backward glance.

Cassian just nodded and turned around to head to Nya’s room. As he rounded the corner though he was met by another Organa, this one more intimidating. The Viceroy had been rounding the corner from the family wings and Cassian had very nearly collided with him, it was only the quick reflexes of both men that had prevented the collision from occurring.

“Forgive me Viceroy.” Cassian had said and had bowed for him much like he had for Leia.

“Ahh, Sergeant. Heading off to visit Ina?” He had asked his tone stern.

“Yes, sir. I felt the need to apologize for my behavior.” Cassian replied and the Viceroy nodded at him.

“Very well. But let me give you a word of advice…” Bail began as levelled a steady glance at him, his eyes serious. “Do not make her any promises that you do not mean, it will destroy her if you promise her something and then change your mind. Neither should you make her promises merely for the sake of doing the right thing, she will come to hate you for that.” He finished and with that he was off.

Cassian stood in front of Nya’s door for a few moments as he tried to gather his courage to face her. Finally, he took a deep breath and knocked on the door. He heard her voice, muffled though it was, through the door as she let out a quiet “Just a moment.” Before the sound of feet shuffling to the door drew his attention.

The door opens and Cassian’s breath is caught in his throat as he sees her standing there, her hair unbound from the intricate braid she had worn at dinner, her pale skin had a certain glow that he had seen in pregnant women but the combination of moonlight and the softer shades of the room’s light made her look ethereal, her emerald green eyes were wide with shock. She wore a white thin strapped nightgown that settled well over the swell of her stomach and a thin robe. Her figure seemed fuller too, her breasts were definitely larger and Cassian stopped there and mentally shook those thoughts away. Nya just crossed her arms and glared at him as if to say ‘Well?’

“I… can we talk?” He asked her softly and she stepped aside wordlessly to allow him to enter. He closed the door behind her and sat on the chair opposite of the couch she was sitting in.

She’s just sitting there, staring at him, her back to the window that has been bathing her mostly in the moonlight and _Caraya’s soul_ is she beautiful and he longs to reach out and touch her, to hold her tightly and feel the steady beat of her heart and her warm breath on his neck, to bury his nose in her hair and breathe her in like he’s done so many times before but he doesn’t, may never be allowed too, and depending on how this talk goes, may not even get a chance to know his own child (though whether or not he wants too at this point, he still doesn’t know).

“I’m sorry.” He blurts out immediately, desperate to end the silence between them, it’s unlike any silence that he’s had with her before, this one is tense and thick and it’s _deafening_.

“What?” She asked clearly thrown and it dawns on him that she may think he’s there to pick up where their argument had left off.

“I’m sorry, for the way I reacted. I’m sorry for what I said… you’re right, I don’t know anything. It’s just… I thought you were dead and suddenly you’re here but you’re not you… and… I just don’t know anymore?” He says as he buries his face in his hands and he is suddenly so tired.

“Why would you think I was dead?” She asks and her voice shows just how confused she truly is. And he realizes he must not know.

“I came back to Inderon after a few months, in between my missions, I told my superiors that I was meeting up with a lead, I wanted to see you, make sure you were alright…” He began and his mind flashes to that horrible day, he remembered how nervous he’d been and the excitement at being able to at least see her.

“You came back?” She gasped out and his head snaps up and their eyes meet and then it hits him that after the way he had behaved earlier, she must have thought that he hadn’t cared about her and it makes him sick because that was the farthest thing from his mind.

“Of course I did. I meant what I said back then. I’m sorry if I made you think otherwise.” He said softly and he braced himself for his next words because he knows it would bring back more of his memories of that day. “Anyway, when I got to your apartment it was nothing more than a burnt out building. I asked someone passing by and she’d said that the people in the building were executed for defying the Empire. They found a Force sensitive child and the people in the building refused to let the Empire take him, they killed everyone there and I thought… I thought you were one of them. I knew you would never let that stand, never let anyone take a child away from their parents.” He says and just getting the words out is difficult.

“There’s… there’s only one Force sensitive child there in that building, only one child actually. I thought… when I left… I was shielding him but when I left… it must have allowed them to find him, without me to block him and teach him to use it properly…” She said and suddenly she’s pale and trembling, tears are pooling into her eyes.

“What do you mean? Shield him? How? You knew that there was a Force-sensitive child there?” Cassian can’t help but ask because this time he’s the one who’s confused. Her building is small and it was mostly composed of older couples whose children had already moved away, there was only one child in that building in fact and it hadn’t taken much of a leap to know who they had been after.

“Shin Ori, that’s why his parents often left him with me so that I could teach him to control his abilities. I shielded him just like my mother shielded me when I was younger. When I realized that you were dead, I couldn’t stay so I packed my bags and left but I told them to contact me if they ever needed to run. I knew how dangerous it was for a child like him, my own family was an example of that.” She said and she burst into tears and he had to fight the urge to comfort her because he had long since lost that right. And his memories returned to the little boy who he had so often found himself in the company off whenever he had been around Nya in her apartment.

“Are you telling me… that you’re a Jedi?” He asked in disbelief, after she had calmed down, as he focused on the one point that had seemed to stun him the most and he briefly wondered how she would react when she learned that his parents and by extension, himself, were Separatists.

“Hmm… not quite. I come from a long line of Jedi that spans millennia and I am somewhat trained but I never built my own nor had my own saber even if I do know the process.” She admits and he is stunned but a part of him is skeptical. He doesn’t believe in the Force, doesn’t want to think that some outside entity controlled his fate.

“After… after I thought you died, all I wanted was to see the Empire burn and I threw myself into mission after mission and I just didn’t care who I killed anymore. Nothing would bring you back and I wanted them to feel as horribly as I did. Except… except you’ve been alive this whole time and I find out that you weren’t really you. As if that wasn’t enough, you tell me you’re a Partisan and kriff, I didn’t even know the Partisans took children in.” He began to ramble trying to get as far away from the topic of the Force as possible.

“My grandmother’s second husband was the captain of the guards for the king of Onderon who was widowed with two children. He was killed by Separatists but had succeeded in helping his king escape. His children had taken control of the forces that repelled the Separatists. His name was Brandt Gerrera and he was Saw’s father.” She said and it had explained why the Partisans would take her in, as the niece of the head of the Partisans, they were practically honor bound to take care of her; that was if the Partisans had any honor at all. Though Cassian had to concede that rape had never been in any of the reported accusations against the Partisans and the fact that she had never been with a man before him was another thing to consider. His stomach rolled violently as realization struck him that she must have thought that he had seduced her for the sake of his cover and that those nights when he’d spent himself inside her had meant nothing to him (this was of course, completely wrong).

“Ahh…” he said and what else could he say about that. There was clearly more to talk about barring the obviously large nerf herd in the room that was particularly time sensitive.

“Is…” She started but stopped and shook her head and it was clear how uncomfortable she was in his presence and he felt his stomach tighten because that was the last thing he ever wanted her to be.

“Yes?” He asked her patiently. He wanted to tell her that she could ask him anything, ask anything _of_ him and he would give it to her but now was not the time.

“Is Cassian Andor your real name?” She asked and he blinked because of all the questions that he had been expecting, it certainly wasn’t that.

“It is, my name is Cassian Jeron Andor and I’m 21 years old, I was born in Fest. My parents were on the Festian Separatist Council and my first act of Rebellion was to throw stones at troopers.” He said and he wanted to reassure her that he was honest with her about the things he’d told her all those months ago. “And you? Are you really Ingrid Vanko, Alderaanian Lady?” He asked. He kept his voice level so as to make it sound as least accusatory as he could.

She gave him a wry smile. “In a way.” She said and his brow raised because the answer to that would be a simple yes or no. She spoke again though, before he could speak once more. “What you have to understand is that my family is an old one, ancient in fact, and its lineage is unbroken. Because of that, there’s this paranoia about the line ending that has started this tradition where a child is born with two names, one in their father’s name and the other in their mother’s name. This continues on until you’re about four lines away from the main family branch, it’s easier to reclaim the name should the main line and those closer to it dies off.” She began as her hand reached out to play with the crystal on her neck.

“In my case though, I was born with three names. My mother was a Jedi from Corellia whose mother had remarried but that didn’t give me my third name, just my connection to Saw. When my mother was fourteen one of the Masters of the Corellian Enclave had a vision that necessitated her trip to Naboo to go undercover as one of Queen Amidala’s handmaidens. In order to prepare, she had gone to Alderaan and sought Rogue Organa’s help in learning the courtly protocols. That was how her identity as Rabe Vanko began, the Vanko name is known here as the successor to the House Panteer from which my grandmother was descended she was half Alderaanian and half Primean. When I was born, I was listed in Naboo as Ingrid Vanko, though that name is only relatively safe considering the fates that had befallen the other handmaidens. Then came my mother’s original identity, Luna Halcyon of the Halcyon Jedi clan, niece to General Nejaa Halcyon of the GAR. I was registered in Corellia as Stella Halcyon granddaughter of Alenika Halcyon-Gerrera. And no one would figure it out, airtight identities with paper trails, because who would suspect that Stella and Ingrid were the same people even if they were born at the same moment and looked alike, they were born to two different women on two different worlds.” She stopped there and she was staring at him with hesitant contemplation.

“And? That’s just two identities…” He prompted and he held her stare, her gaze searching.

“I… my other identity is the one from my father’s name. It’s… to me… it’s the most dangerous one for me to go under but it’s the one that I’m most known by.” She said and Cassian frowned at that not understanding why she wouldn’t just say her father’s name. What was the point of it? He was dead, wasn’t he? And what was more dangerous than a Jedi’s daughter in this day and age? Except for being a rebel, of course.

“You don’t trust me.” He pointed out and she flinched at that, it wasn’t really an accusation but an observation and just that thought hurts.

“I’m not… I won’t do anything that would compromise your safety. I… please… Nya… trust me!” He begged her desperately as his restraint broke and he moved to sit beside her, hurt when she’d stiffened at his presence.

“Trust goes both ways. Would you really not tell them even if telling your superiors would be instrumental for the Rebellion?” She asked and Cassian paused at that, this was a test, he could feel it. He remembered those nights when he’d prayed to every deity he could think of and in his grief bargained for her life and for the unborn child he’d seen her carry in his dreams. This was his test, she wanted to know if he would place what he had been fighting for his whole life over her… her and their unborn child. _‘You’re asking me to trust you but do you trust me too?’_ She doesn’t say it out loud but he can hear her voice in his mind.

“Not unless you want me too.” He promised as he reached out for her hand willing her to know how sincere he was.

“The Empire took my father and killed my mother in front of us. I was able to run and hide but they took him.” She began and he nodded, an Imperial prisoner then and the execution of a known Jedi that much was understandable.

“He is a prisoner but at the same time… he’s not. They’ve been waiving the one thing he cares about in his face the whole time. They’ve been telling him that if he doesn’t cooperate then they will redouble their efforts to find me and when they do they’ll kill me. That’s one of the reasons why we ran, my father’s mind, my mother’s status as a Jedi, my own abilities and when they found us, he had us run and hide but my mother returned for him and she was killed for that, I hid in the bushes and when she fell I ran to the bunker and I waited there in the darkness for three days until my Uncle arrived.” She said her hand tightening around his.

“The name that I have inherited from my father is Jyn Erso. My father is the Empire’s Top Weapons Scientist Galen Erso.” She finished and Cassian was thrown because he had heard of Galen Erso often enough, had seen the weapons that he had designed. And he tried to imagine himself in Galen’s place, tried to imagine what it would be like to have the woman he loved killed in front of him, to have his child’s life dangled in front of him with the threat of their death should he disobey. Galen Erso wasn’t a fighter and while many would disagree with his choice, Cassian knew he would do the same thing. _‘I really would do it, if it meant protecting her.’_ He thought as he looked at the woman beside him. And he knew then that it was dangerous, she was his weakness.

“You’re secret is safe with me.” He reassured her and he saw her shoulders slump in relief and…oh… that smile, it wasn’t any smile he had ever shown her, this one was a cross of wary gratefulness mixed with just the slightest bit of trust. It wasn’t as blinding as her other smiles but the fact was that he had gone months without it and now he wanted to drink up the sight of her smiles like a man trapped in the Tatooine desert, even if her smiles are different now.

“Was any of it real?” She asked him and for a moment he didn’t understand.

“What?” He asked.

“Was any of it real? Did you just ask me out for the sake of your cover? Did any of it mean anything to you?” She asked and there was a hint of something under it that he couldn’t understand.

“I’ll admit to it now, when I first arrived there I knew I would need to take a lover in order to make my cover better and when I’d entered into that café, I was already seeking someone who I could use, someone who wouldn’t be so attached to me.” He began and he felt Jyn tense at his side and he sought to reassure her immediately, “I settled on Tella.” He said and her head snapped up so fast he was afraid she might experience whiplash. “That was until I caught your eye for a brief moment across the café and then I was hooked. I disregarded whatever pre-fabricated story I had about Willix Divan and told you things that were as close to whom I am as I’d dared to risk. I wanted you to know me, I realized, and that I wanted you to accept me. I meant what I said to you, I still do.” He told her as he looked in her eyes the same as he did once so long ago when they’d declared their love.

“You still mean it, even if we barely know one another? Though, I did tell you more of me than I’ve ever told anyone who has not known me since childhood. I meant what I said too… Maddie and I, we were there for information, much like you were. But we were also sent there to see how we would do away from the Partisans, I was sixteen and she was eighteen and they wanted to be sure that we could live on our own as civilians if we ever wanted to leave the Partisans, though I suspect that Maddie was sent there to keep men away from me as per usual although she failed spectacularly at that.” She told him, her stare was serious but there was something teasing at the end of her sentence.

“That she did.” Cassian said with a chuckle before his eyes became serious again because they were finally at the heart of the matter. “And that leads us to the most important part of the conversation… this child, I will stand by whatever you decide. I want to…” He was cut off by Jyn pulling her hand away from him distancing herself.

“Stop.” She said and Cassian felt as if he couldn’t breathe. Did she not want him? Was she still angry? He had made up his mind somewhere along this conversation (though it was mostly his heart) and he wanted to be there to see his child, wanted to raise the babe with Jyn but she had the final say.

“Don’t make empty promises or ones that are made because you feel obligated too.” She began and her voice cracked, he could practically hear the pain in her voice. “I’d hate you for it.” She tried again before she took a calming breath. “I want your promises only if you mean it. I don’t expect anything from you.” And that thought hurt Cassian, a lot. “I didn’t even know you were alive until earlier tonight. I was ready to do this even when I thought I was alone in this Galaxy and I still am. If you don’t want this, just tell me now and we can pretend that this didn’t happen. We could just keep avoiding one another and act cordially if we ever do run in to one another.” She told him and Cassian suddenly felt like there was a wide chasm between them and he just wanted to cross it. He was already too far gone.

“I want you.” He insisted and reached out to grab her hands once more as he scooted close to her so that she was pressed to the edge of the couch. “And I want this baby too. I want… I want a family with you. I begged and cursed and bargained so often for your life these past few months and now you’re here and I don’t want to let you go.” He said as he gave into his desire and pulled her into his arms. He held her tightly and buried his nose into her hair and breathed in the scent of her. He felt her grasp onto the front of his shirt before he began to feel it becoming wet, her body shook as she silently cried and he held her tightly afraid to let her go but eventually she pulled away from him.

“I need to know… if… what you’re saying…” She began and there were so many starts and stops to her but he waited patiently. “If you truly meant it, about this baby, about our family… then are… are you with me?” She asked him, her eyes searching and his heart sped up and his soul felt lighter.

“I’m not a good man. I don’t deserve you, or any of this. But I want it and I’m selfish enough to take it if you are offering it. I want you to know that I’m with you all the way in this.” He told her and she gave him the brightest and warmest smile and he swore his world was brighter than it had ever been. And suddenly she had leaned into him quickly and he felt her lips on his and he found himself responding as he wrapped his arms around her once more and pulled her closer. Their first kiss was passionate, filled with everything they were trying to say but the next one was gentler, languid even just basking in the rightness of how it felt to be with one another.

When they’d pulled back panting Jyn had leaned in to him, her head resting on his shoulder as they sat in the blissful quiet of the lovers’ peace. Cassian was content and happy for the first time in his life, happier even then the days he’d spent as Willix in Inderon because he was now with Nya without all of the lies. “You’re wrong, you know.” He heard her say.

“Hmm?” He asked as he continued to stroke her back.

“Earlier, when you said you aren’t a good man, you’re wrong.” Jyn told him and he blinked.

“No, I’m really not. The things that I’ve done, the people I’ve killed… I’m not a good man.” He told her as he tried to block out the visions of red that so often painted his dreams.

“I’m a Partisan and I’ve killed a lot of people.” She pointed out and before he could even begin to argue that it wasn’t the same because she wasn’t an assassin like he was, she stopped him by forcing him to look her in the eyes. “Do you regret it? Taking their lives?” She asked.

“Some but not all. There are those that I know truly deserve it, others I just kill because I was ordered too for the good of the Rebellion.” He answered softly.

“Then you’re a good man. The moment you become indifferent or numb to killing, the moment it becomes an afterthought or you begin to relish in the bloodshed, that’s when you stop being a good man, that’s when you become a monster like Vader.” She assured him before he pulled her into another kiss, this one lasted for a mere moment before she pulled away with a smile.

“I think someone wants to greet you too.” She said with a smile and Cassian just blinked as she grabbed his hand and placed it on her swell and… oh… his breath was stolen from him as he felt a thump under his hand. That was his baby kicking under his hand! His baby! This was real, he was to have a family and while a part of Cassian was terrified at the thought of failing to keep them safe, a larger part of him was excited because this was more than what he had had in fifteen years.

“Hi baby, I’m your daddy and I can’t wait to meet you.” He said to the baby gently and with all the affection he had, he got a rather strong kick in response.

“Oof!” Jyn said as she grasped her stomach before she let out a laugh. “She’s a kicker. Seems like she’s just as excited to meet you too.”

“She?” Cassian’s eyes widened at that, thoughts of adorable little girls with her eyes flittering in his mind and warming his heart.

“She” Jyn confirmed “we’re having a girl.” And with that Cassian pulled her back in for another kiss.

“When do you have to leave?” She asked him and suddenly he’s back to reality because technically speaking he should have left this afternoon but his time frame to complete this mission and verify everything is technically a week and he had wanted to see how things would go with her during this conversation before he committed himself to staying the full week.

“A week and then I need to report back in.” He told her quietly unwilling to end this blissful night. Soon enough though he noticed that she was yawning and a quick glance at the clock had told him that it was almost midnight.

“I should go, you need your rest.” He said as he began to stand up only to be pulled back down, she must have sensed his reluctance to be away from her because she held him tight. She reached out and cupped his face with his hands and scrutinized it, she was frowning at him over something.

“When was the last time you properly slept?” She asked and he tried to think back on it.

“I’ve slept here and there.” He replied but in truth he knew the answer was that he hadn’t really had a good night’s rest since their last night together.

“I asked about a proper sleep not whatever dozing off you tend to do.” She scowled at him.

“It’s been awhile.” He relented and told her the exact date.

“You’re staying here tonight. Take off your outerwear and get into bed, I’ll turn off the light.” She commanded. He really didn’t have the heart to turn her down (mostly because he really didn’t want to be away from her).

* * *

That night he dreamt of red and the faces of those that he had killed. He dreamt that he was trapped inside a circle surrounded by his victims accusing eyes as they all reached to him and suddenly he was suffocating. He sat up abruptly startling Jyn as he gasped for breath and then he felt her arms wrap around his torso as she rested her chin on his shoulder, she didn’t ask anything of the dream but had settled for murmuring reassurances at him.

He turned in her arms so that he could settle himself more comfortably in her arms and without pressing her swollen belly too much. She repositioned her hands so that one stroked his back comfortingly and the other reached up to tangle into his hair. Her presence was comforting and he allowed himself to drown in her loving presence.

 _Lavender's blue,_  
Dilly dilly,  
Lavenders green.  
  
When I am King,  
Dilly dilly,  
You shall be Queen.  
  
Who told you so,  
Dilly dilly,  
Who told you so?  
  
T'was my own heart,  
Dilly dilly,  
That told me so.  
  
Call up your men,  
Dilly dilly,  
Set them to work.  
  
Some to the plow,  
Dilly dilly,  
Some to the fork.  
  
Some to make hay,  
Dilly dilly,  
Some to cut corn.  
  
While you and I,  
Dilly dilly,  
Keep ourselves warm.  
  
 Lavender's green,  
Dilly dilly,  
Lavender's blue.  
  
If you love me,  
Dilly dilly,  
I will love you.  
  
Let the birds sing,  
Dilly dilly,  
Let the lambs play.  
  
We shall be safe,  
Dilly dilly,  
Out of harm’s way.  
  
I love to dance,  
Dilly dilly,  
I love to sing.  
  
When I am Queen,  
Dilly dilly,  
You'll be my King.  
  
Who told me so,  
Dilly dilly,  
Who told me so?  
  
I told myself,  
Dilly dilly,  
I told me so.

She sang it so softly in his ear for the first time. He knew the melody well from all the nights that they’d shared when he would awaken from a nightmare just like he had tonight. She would often do the same thing only she would hum it; this was the first time that he had heard the lyric to the song. He had heard the words once, in Corellia and had been told that it was a traditional lullaby in those parts.

Eventually he had calmed down and they had settled back into bed but not before he had placed a gentle kiss on her forehead. She had nodded off to sleep almost immediately and he had contented himself with the sounds of her steady breaths. When he next woke up it was to the chirping of the birds and the sunlight in his eyes. The room was foreign to him and he had to take a few moments to remember where he was and what had happened the previous night but the familiar weight on his arms settled him soon.

He made to extract himself from her arms carefully and had very nearly done so had her arm not shot up with alarming accuracy and pulled him down once more. “Shh…” he said soothingly when she whimpered as he once more extracted himself. “I’m just going to the ‘fresher I’ll be back soon, I promise.”

She seemed to settle at that. “Mm’kay.” She said before she buried her head in her pillow to block out the sun. He smiled at the sight as she was awkwardly positioned due to her belly. Though Alderaan was warm he still keenly felt the loss of **her** warmth as he padded towards the ‘fresher.

He had returned to her bed not too long after that even though he knew logically that he should at least head to his room to keep up pretenses or to begin preparing for the day. Since he was going to be staying for the week he needed to do actual work so that Draven wouldn’t suspect anything. Instead he chooses to get back under the heavy blankets and lets Nya…Jyn curl herself around him, ‘ _it’s different’_ he thinks, ‘ _from how she used to curl around him’_. Her belly necessitates the adjustment and he can’t help but wonder what it would have been like to be with her in those past few months as her belly grew and how they would have tried to shift to accommodate one another for comfort (mostly hers). His arms tightened around her as he realized that in order to keep her secret he couldn’t ask Draven to take him off the mission roster for those that required that he sleep with his mark, he’d have to tell her about it, reassure her that she was the only one he loved.

Years of living as a soldier had ensured that he would be awake at the crack of dawn and his body seemed to call to him demanding that he get up but he didn’t want too, not when his light was finally back in his arms. She was his heart’s song, she made him dance to the beat of an unknown music that opened him up to the beauty of life. A knock on the door stirred her, it came again a minute later and her eyes snapped open.

“My lady, breakfast will be served in an hour, the Queen has requested that you take the time to prepare.” A woman’s voice had said and Cassian could hazard a guess that it was one of the maids.

“Thank you, I’ll be right on it.” Jyn replies.

“Also, the Viceroy has instructed that a package of clothes be dropped off outside your door for the Sergeant.” The maid added before leaving. Cassian and Jyn then turned to stare at one another, amusement written on their faces before their gazes turned warm. Jyn craned her neck up at him as she leaned in for a kiss.

“Good morning.” She whispered when they pulled apart and Cassian was reminded of those warm days in her apartment.

“Good morning, love.” He replied sincerely and she gave him a delighted smile. She sighed as she put her head back down on his chest and tried to burrow closer to his side.

“I suppose we’ll have to get back out now. I wasn’t able to give my report to Uncle Bail after the excitement last night. They didn’t want to stress me out more than I already was at that point.” She told him as she sat up, one of the straps falling off of her shoulder enticingly. He kissed her shoulder before fixing the strap back in place because this wasn’t the time, nor was she in any condition to bed him.

“I’m sorry about last night.” He said again and he really was, he’d heard that women who were frequently stressed during their pregnancy had a higher likelihood of miscarrying or suffering complications during delivery and that thought filled him with dread.

“It’s fine. At least you apologized.” She said before she stood up, she turned to give him a smile. “Now get dressed, we’re still here to work.” And with that she was gone as the ‘fresher door shut behind her.

Cassian just sighed and decided to head to the door to get his clothes. The sound of the water running in the fresher was enticing and he was tempted to join her in the shower but quickly brushed those thoughts aside. He wasn’t going to force her into anything that she would feel uncomfortable with, especially given the fact that they had just reunited.

It wasn’t long before she came out in another Alderaanian court dress with her hair in another intricate braid, though it was nothing to how the Organas styled their hair. Cassian opened the door for her and they walked to the dining room in silence, his hand on the small of her back as she leaned in to him slightly. Cassian couldn’t stop the smile on his face and he knew he would have to school his features on his way back to Yavin IV in a few days otherwise General Draven would realize that something was off about him.

The sight of the two of them walking in together had caused everyone in the dining room to fall silent as they stared wide eyed at them. Cassian pulled the chair out for Jyn to sit before going to his own as they ignored the silence and stares directed at them. Before Jyn could even turn to him, he had already poured a cup of tea and added in two spoons of sugar just the way she liked it and she smiled at him when he handed it to her.

“Umm… so are you guys alright now?” Winter asked with interest and a part of Cassian felt like he and Jyn were being used as a substitute for the women’s holodrama.

“We’re just fine. We talked it all out last night.” She said and before Leia could even open her mouth she glared at the Princess. “And yes Leia, all we did was talk. I’m not exactly in any condition to do anything like that…” she didn’t have to say what it was and Cassian averted his eyes to his food, at least that was what he was planning to do until he heard a snort and he turned to see Celly trying to smother down a laugh as Tia just grinned at them, Rogue rolled her eyes at them. Bail just sighed and Breha shook her head because they seemed to know what Tia was going to say next.

“That’s not true! All you have to do is adjust your positions slightly and…” Tia said before launching into a lecture that had all of the younger generation blushing as red as they possibly could turn though Leia seemed a bit too enraptured by her aunt’s tips. Cassian made a mental note to alert Bail to possible complications of Leia running away with some Nerf-herder, given her personality, he wouldn’t put it past her to run off and elope with some older smuggler just to defy conventions (and yes, she would put state affairs and the good of her people first but she wasn’t going to allow anyone to tell her who she would marry). Needless to say, that conversation wasn’t something that was appropriate for the breakfast table and a quick glance to Jyn showed him that her flush was fading and it told him that she was relatively unbothered by this.

* * *

 

After the rather eventful breakfast Cassian and Jyn followed the Alderaanian monarchs to the Viceroy’s office to get started with report. This would be the first time that Cassian would actually get to see Jyn work as an intelligence agent and not as a waitress, _kriffing hell_ he hadn’t even seen her wield a blaster or fight although he hopefully never would need to see her in such a situation when he was around, he liked to think that he was more than capable of taking care of her and protecting her (also he really didn’t want to see her in any fight right now, especially given her condition).

He had already given Bail Organa what information was necessary when they met yesterday but he repeats it for Jyn’s sake. She is either really good at sabacc or she already knows all of this (somehow) or it could be a bit of both (because he remembered how Jyn used to wipe him clean of his earnings whenever they played sabacc together during their time in Inderon). She just smiles serenely at him drinking her tea as if he was just talking about mundane things and not critical intelligence and for some reason there was something about the way she was looking at him that was almost teasing as if she knew something he didn’t (and it was seriously annoying). When he was done he stared at Jyn as if daring her to give better intel… and then she spoke and Cassian’s eyebrows shot up because where in the sithhells did she get that information?

She teases him about it later as they’re discussing and absolutely refuses to name her contact and even though he knows she won’t he can’t help but continue their banter. He’s missed this… this sense of ease that he has with her and no one else. In the Alliance or whatever rebel cells he’d been with before the Alliance came into being, he had brief moments of amusement but never true joy. Kes had been with him for eight years, he had saved the man (well he had been a boy then) when the Dantooine court was leveled and the settlements destroyed because it stood atop an ancient Jedi temple, because the people of Dantooine resisted and rebelled, the Empire spared no one and Cassian remembered coming across the Damerons in one of the destroyed houses that belonged to the upper members of the royal staff and found mother and son cowering together. They were both thirteen then but Cassian has lived this life of rebellion since he was six and Kes had been sheltered by his mother, a woman who lived as a pianist within the king’s court.

There was nothing that could be done for Ilsa Dameron, her wounds too grave for her to walk away, no medics left to see to her, and massive blood loss all took her life within hours of Cassian finding them. He stayed with the Damerons and waited for Kes to accept his mother’s death and they left together, fleeing with whatever refugees there were and many of those who were on their ship had eventually gone on to join the Alliance but Kes and Cassian stuck together, just two orphans fighting against the galaxy. He and Kes had been partnered together quite often and he was Cassian’s ‘extraction’. Kes had been the one to find him when things went to shit on Inderon and had smuggled him back to the Alliance base. Kes was also the only living being he spoke to about Nya.

He sees the Viceroy smiling at them fondly and a bit wistfully and Cassian chooses to ignore it focusing instead on the woman in front of him. He memorizes how she looks, healthy and flush with the glow of her pregnancy. When she stands to leave for lunch with Rogue so that he and the Viceroy could talk about Alliance matters, he walks her out the door to where Lady Organa is waiting and he hands her over with great reluctance. He’s fearful and anxious from the separation though she is only a few rooms down and he is so eager to finish this meeting but forces himself to focus. If the Viceroy realizes that he is distracted, he says nothing of it and instead chooses to focus on their work. They break for tea and join the women in the gardens and he can see how easily she fits herself in with nobility and as he watches her he realizes that he has no idea how he’ll be able to return to his life as a spy. He didn’t know if he’d be able to complete his missions with the same efficiency that he once had, certainly not the ones that would require him to sleep with his mark.

He catches her eyes then and she smiles at him, eyes gentle as she her hand rests on her growing swell where his child… _his child_ was growing and his heart warms at that and he feels so light. He grins back at her and allows himself enjoy this moment, keeps it in his mind for the dark days that inevitably come with his job. Cassian spends the rest of the day with Bail and Winter eagerly anticipating the day’s end and when dinner arrives he walks briskly to the dining room where the other ladies were already waiting and sits himself beside Jyn. He pays no mind to the amused looks thrown their way as he grasps her hand and pulls her close to kiss her forehead. This dinner goes smoothly as they talk of the doctor’s appointment that Lady Rogue has scheduled for Jyn and she speaks to Cassian as if his presence there is a given, which it is.

Before they retire to her room they make a stop at his to grab his clothes, his bed too small to accommodate the two of them. He leads them to her room, the bag thrown over one shoulder and a hand behind her back and he’s grateful for Alderaan and its people. Here, there are no worries of spies, the staff all loyal to their benevolent monarchs. Here, the two of them can be open about their affections without fear of repercussion. Here, he can acknowledge the woman he loves and their unborn child.

Cassian leans over her belly as they lay in bed with the moon illuminating them, he speaks over the soft white nightgown she wears and to the swell where his child rests and hums as she plays with his hair, gently scratching his scalp. He whispers promises to his daughter, promises of love and safety, assurances of eager anticipation for her arrival, of promised activities to come that would be shared between the two or three of them, he tells his daughter why he fights now and why he fought then… the differences in his reasoning. Then was all for revenge, now was for a better future for his daughter, a world where she would never need to learn how to fire a blaster. And when he’s done he gives the swell a kiss before laying down on the bed and engulfs Jyn in a hug, they fall asleep within minutes.

Cassian is awoken not by nightmares but by Jyn’s fretful sleep, this time it’s she who awakes gasping as sweat and tears make their way down her face and Cassian pulls her into his arms. When she calms down her eyes still seem lost but they clear as the moments go by and suddenly she’s pulling him down and her hands are insistent while he is hesitant, for all the talk that the Organa sisters had given them earlier it still made him uncomfortable at the thought of going further with her in that state but she doesn’t relent and in the end he gives in.

To be with her once more, to make _love_ (because sex is what he does with his marks and what he does with her is completely different) with Jyn once more is exhilarating and right and so many other wonderful things and the chance to see and relearn her body (to know what has changed) and the knowledge that no other man has seen or will ever see her so vulnerable, so trusting, delights him. He feels a brush in his mind and he shrugs it off but with that brush he feels as though he can feel her emotions and he realizes that she’s so much more sensitive now and he watches her fall apart under with a sense of satisfaction. And he gathers her in his arms once more as they come down from their high and bask in each other’s presence.

“Mmm… much better than my hands.” She tells him as she looks up and Cassian can’t help the shock that comes with that admission.

“What?” He squeaks.

“Since I’ve gotten pregnant I’ve been more… shall I say… insatiable which apparently happens when you’re pregnant. I’ve had nothing but my hands to keep me company these past few nights.” She tells him without shame and he has to wonder at how far she’s come from the woman who blushed at a kiss.

“Well I’m glad that I satisfied you better than your hands.” He tells her with a smirk and his mind returns to the feeling of a touch on his mind. “I don’t know how or why but I could have sworn I felt something brush my mind before.” He tells her honestly and she stiffens in his arms.

“What? I…” She says as her eyes widen in alarm before she frowns thoughtfully and he knows when she’s come to a conclusion by the light in her eyes. “I told you I was Force sensitive, I’ve been shielding my mind to prevent this from happening but I guess I subconsciously began to believe that I don’t need it anymore around you because you know my secret. I’m sorry, that was rude and terribly invasive, I’ll keep it under tighter lock so that it won’t happen again.” She promised.

“No, no. It’s okay, I think you enjoy it more right?” He asked her and she nodded and he was right, to keep herself shielded like that meant that she wasn’t focused solely at him. “It was just that… it was weird but good, it felt like we weren’t just one physically but I swear I could feel your emotions and it was like I didn’t know where I even ended and you began… it was… intense but amazing.” He said with a rush and watched as she nodded slowly with a frown on her face.

“Still… it’s… something very intimate and personal.” She tried to reason with him.

“And this isn’t intimate and personal?” He asked her as he gestured at them, naked under the blankets and her pregnant belly creating a small barrier between them.

“I’ve read about this before and it’s something only **married** couples do.” She says and his heart skips a beat and his mind wanders back to the ring in his bag and he promises _‘soon’_.

“I don’t care, it’s us. I want it.” He tells her and she nods at him, her eyes slipping close as she drifts off to sleep.

* * *

 

When Rogue brings in Dr. Strep, he watches as the older gentleman pauses and eyes Jyn for a moment somewhat wistfully before turning a questioning and disbelieving glance at Rogue. And Cassian can’t help the tears that build up as he sits beside Jyn while the doctor shows him his daughter, moving around inside Jyn’s belly and lets them hear her heartbeat and the gentle sound of _thump thump_ of the little heart brings home the fact that this was reality and that he only had four more days left with her before the Alliance would begin to demand his return.

He spends as much time with her as he can, greedily stealing her time and they make love constantly every night. Though Rea…Maddie…Alin (so many names for his friend) arrives on his fourth day and he had been met with a blaster aimed at his face when she spotted him and that took a long while to explain that he hadn’t meant for Jyn to be left behind the way she was. On their last day together he steals her away and leads her down the paths of the garden to a secluded little spot deep within the maze and sits her down.

He kneels before her and presents the ring that he had bought oh so long ago and asks her to marry him. She throws herself at him and they both collapse onto the ground and he loses his grip on the box which tumbles a few meters away. They plan to wed on Alderaan the next time they are both there at the same time and he promises her ‘soon’ as he slips the ring onto her finger and kisses her deeply. They’re met with congratulations upon their return and both retire early that night and spend the rest of their night tangled together savoring the last moments they would have with one another for a while. And when he walks away from her the next day it’s with a heavy heart, his lips tingling with the taste of her and her scent permanently seared into his mind.

* * *

 

The next time he sees her is a month later on Alland as his arms are around Tella (no, he’s not sleeping with her, merely making her bodyguard jealous and her father angry). He sees her behind the Wookiee and he mentally curses because he realizes that he had not told her about this aspect of his job and before he can say anything she’s before him and his face stings with the might of her hand and she’s screaming at him.

“You lying cheating bastard! I can’t believe you would do this to me!” She screamed at him before her gaze turned to the stunned Tella beside him. “You better be careful that he doesn’t knock you up and leave you for some other woman.” She throws at her before she whirls on her feet and stomps away, Cassian throws one glance at Tella and then back at Jyn and tells himself to fuck the mission because he had what he needed anyway and he rushes off after her.

He makes it to her ship (which was in all honesty a hunk of junk) where he spots her doubled over and being fretted over by a med droid and by the smuggler that broke his nose and he hears the droid’s declaration that she was in labor. The smuggler notices him then and he’s nearly thrown out but Jyn’s groan of pain has him sprinting to her and he watches as Solo ( _‘Han Solo.’_ The smuggler introduced himself with a glare) carries her away and he has no choice but to follow. The truth comes out as they’re in hyperspace to Alderaan and Solo glares at him the whole way as he apologizes to her, dread going through him as she goes between lucid and delirious.

When they arrive on Alderaan he sees the way the room has changed, more of a nursery than anything and he’s beside her as she gives birth with Solo on the other side and Rogue Organa assisting Dr. Strep.  She breaks his hand and she snaps at him blaming him for everything and he watches her go between agony and laughter as she jokes with Solo and the Organas. When their baby comes out the room is silent and he feels his heart drop as he listens to her question the doctor.

Cassian’s mind doesn’t register anything else because he turns to glance at Jyn and sees that she’s pale and her grip has gone slack and he can barely see the rise of her chest. _‘Force no!’_ He thought as Solo tears him away from her as the doctor rushes to her side and between the seemingly still form of Jyn Erso and their daughter that had yet to cry, he felt his world was breaking because _‘what if he lost them both?’_ And he didn’t even want to think about it. It hurt too much to contemplate.

Cassian just stares dumbly as the doctor explains to him that Jyn’s vitals are low, that she’s in a coma and that the chances of her waking was slim to none. He sits by her bedside and barely moves and Solo demands that he take care of his daughter but Jyn needs him more right now so he ignores him… and Force… it’s been three days and why won’t she stop crying?

“Can you please get her to stop crying!” He snaps at Solo and the girl cries louder.

“She’s your daughter… she wants her parents! Just hold her!” Solo says angrily as he tries to soothe the babe.

“No… not when… she just… this is her fault.” Cassian says stumbling when he realizes that he blames his daughter for Jyn’s condition.

“No it’s not. It’s yours! Now just hold her!” Solo says and practically shoves the girl into his arms and as he turns to look at his daughter to snap at her to shut up he catches her eyes and sees that they’re Jyn’s and all the anger rushes out of him and only hurt is left… and shame, for how he treated his daughter and he can feel tears gather in his eyes.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry baby.” Cassian says over and over as he begins rocking his daughter and crying with her and he knows he can never hate his child for this. The doors are thrown open immediately as four women come in, his blood freezing as he spots the blood red curls of Renee Dwight. The Royal Guards and the Organas trail in and Cassian is lost watching the reunion between Rogue Organa and this ‘Scerra’ as the Doctor comes in and he sees Renee Dwight and Solo talking to each other carefully. It isn’t until he sees her and Maddie by Jyn’s bedside that he realizes that the girls look as though they were sisters.

When Renee Dwight introduces herself as one of the Emperor’s Hands (whatever that is), he began to reach for his blaster but when she declared that her loyalty was to her family, to Jyn… he stopped and watched in fascination as the girls simultaneously lost consciousness the moment their hands touched Jyn and he watches as the color returns to Jyn slowly but surely over the hour and when her eyes snap open and she gasps he’s by her side in an instant. A healing coma had been Scerra’s diagnosis and it seemed to be correct because she was here and awake and whole once more. He wraps his arms around her after he passes their daughter to her and watches as she interacts with her ‘sisters’.

Renee Dwight or Mara Jade as she was called turned to him then. “Igan Vox, I suppose she’s forgiven you for the indiscretion?” She drawled and suddenly it dawned on him that she had known who he was, especially in relation to Jyn.

“Meer, you know him? Who he is?” Jyn asked confused.

“I can see when someone is connected to another person, sister. It took me one look at him and I saw your soul’s imprint and a tether to your daughter. I considered, very briefly, mind you, telling him about you but then again he was wrapped up in some incessant blonde’s arms so I thought better of it.” She said with a shrug and he kept his mouth shut but he was torn. A part of him understood but the other half wanted to rail against her because it had cost him so much time with Jyn.

“I understand, Meer. Thank you for telling me.” Jyn said with a smile and then she paused. “And thank you for waking me up.” She finished.

“Yny, when will you realize that I would do anything for our family?” Mara asked her fondly with a smile.

Jyn leaned back against him with their daughter in her arms and Cassian glanced down to see a warm and loving smile directed towards the red haired woman. “Everything for the family.” She said and Cassian could see the nods within the room.

“Not that I’m not happy that you’re okay and all, Big Sis…” Leia began. “But I’ve been waiting for three days to know what name you’ve decided to give her.” Cassian tightens his hold on Jyn and in all honesty he had not even thought of what name his daughter was to have, never even discussed it with Jyn, it didn’t feel right when he’d not had that much to do with her while her mother was pregnant.

“Vera Hope, Vera for Faith and Truth. She is the true hope for a better future. The daughter of Ingrid Vanko and future Countess of Jurrano.” Jyn explained and while Cassian knew that it was too dangerous to give his daughter his name, it was still painful to realize that she would have nothing of her heritage from him. Fest is a closed door and a frozen wasteland that has wasted away due to the Empire’s constant dumps of toxic waste. He has been back there a few times and he knows that without intervention, the planet itself would become uninhabitable. And the culture would die with what few people would be stubborn enough to remain there. His language, perhaps, would live on… if only to be studied by xeno-linguists and historians. He knew that until the Empire was defeated his family would always be in danger and the time he would have with his daughter would only be limited by the amount of times he could sneak off or get assigned to Alderaan.

“When do you want us to perform the naming ceremony?” Scerra asked and Cassian frowned at that because he had never heard of a naming ceremony in his life.

“It depends…” Jyn began as she turned her head to look up at him. “When are you leaving, Cassian?” She asked.

“I can stay until the end of the week. I made up the excuse that my cover was blown and that I’m currently laying low here on Alderaan. It would be helpful if I could bring back some information though, just to tide my CO over.” He said.

“Hmm… how about in two days. That should be enough to get everyone here… right?” Jyn asked as she turned to Scerra.

“Yes, your grandfather would be delighted to be here.” Scerra told her and from the corner of Cassian’s eye he could see Dr. Strep tensing.

“I haven’t seen _him_ in decades.” Dr. Strep said tersely.

“No… not since _her_ funeral, I suppose.” Scerra had replied and Cassian was as confused as most of the people save those of the older generation seemed. He glanced down at Jyn as she gasped and she stared at the doctor incredulously.

“That’s why you trusted him with my secret?” She asked Lady Rogue and she smiled back calmly, if a bit sad.

“I would never willingly cause harm to one of her line, even if indirect, especially not to one who looks so much like her.” Dr. Strep said, sadness marring his voice.

“You were the Doctor she was in love with. The one who broke her heart when she chose to remain firm within her duty while you chose the path of wealth, the man who returned a few days before her wedding to try and convince her to run away with him…” Jyn trailed off breathless.

“I was that and many more.” Dr. Strep began sadly. “I was a foolish young man who thought too much of his talents and his looks, his name and his wealth, that I ignored the fact that love trumps all. I loved her so much but I chose the allure of money over her, over Lena… and I was a fool. In the end your grandfather was the one who won her over and I’ll admit that while it hurt at the time, now that I look back on it, he was the better man.” He said. Jyn nodded at him and allowed her body to rest more of her weight on to him. He breathed in her scent as she spoke to the people in the room and soon enough laughter was over flowing and Cassian felt his heart swell at the feel of this… this family, coming together and when Jyn started to yawn and nod off, the ‘guests’ left the room together and Cassian watched as Jyn settled into sleep on her side, facing their daughter who had been placed on the bed with pillows all around. Cassian held her in his arms and watched over his family for a while before he fell asleep.

Two days later, Cassian stood in one of the gardens of the Royal Palace and watched as Jyn walked towards him wearing a white dress as she was escorted by her grandfather. Her grandmother walked to her other side carrying their daughter and Cassian couldn’t keep the smile off of his face as they said their vows to one another in front of the Queen of Alderaan and not too long after that as Jyn began the naming ceremony that was a tradition among her family.

“My Queen, my beloved Elders, and to the rest of my kin. I present to you the newest member of our clan, my daughter. For the name that was meant to represent her heritage as a noble lady, I give her the name Vera Hope for truth, faith, and hope so that she may bring light in these dark times and that she may rule with wisdom and kindness among her lands. The name that I give her to represent my marriage with her father is Illiana Sabine, that she may be the ray of light and an instrument of peace in her older years.” And Cassian couldn’t breathe because he recognized the name Sabine, had told the story to Jyn when she’d been sick. “And finally, I give her the name Karin Alexis to represent her heritage as a member of clan Halcyon so that she will know that she is beloved and wanted, I give her that name also in the hopes that she would be as the others of the clan were, helpers and defenders of the weak and the innocent.” She said as she addressed everyone gathered there.

Cassian had never seen anything like it as members of the clan blessed his daughter one by one, anointing her with oil or giving her gifts, and the Queen and the Viceroy had accepted and acknowledged the names that had been given. It was a family tradition, he knew that, he also knew that no outsider had ever been witnessed to this. With a start, Cassian realized that he was no longer an outsider, he now had a family and his heart jumped at that, it was something he hadn’t had in years (if one discounted Kes of course).

“I’ve received word from the Elder of Our Heart, Maz Kanata, and she has decreed that Vera’s name in the Force shall be Nebula Arcadia, she who brings with her a cloud of innocent joy, daughter of Astra Nova and granddaughter of Steren Lux.” Rostek Horn said and he saw Jyn close her eyes with a smile on her face and realized that all of those who were attuned to the Force had smiled and it seemed as if they were listening to something.

“And so it shall be.” Jyn said and with that people began to clap happily. Cassian realized it was over then as he walked towards his _wife_ and _daughter_. Cassian barely let them go after that as he remembered that he’d have to part with them soon.  So he stuck around and when the time came for him to leave on his ship. He kissed Jyn deeply and cuddled his daughter for a few moments before reluctantly handing her back to his wife.

Cassian left Alderaan with a heavy heart and kept his secret family from all but Kes, Shara, and K2. He cherished the moments when he’d be able to take some time during his missions to meet up with Jyn and Vera, usually a night here or there. He stopped any and all missions that required him to seduce women and chose instead to use other methods. When news reached him that a defector carrying sensitive information regarding a project that his father in law was working on, he immediately brought it to Draven and when he was ordered to investigate Galen Erso, he took that as his go ahead to visit his family on Aria Prime. When he returned to the base with Jyn, he presented her to General Draven, Senator Mothma, and General Iblis.

“Sirs,” He began. “I’d like you to meet Galen Erso’s daughter, Jyn Erso.” He paused before he smiled and he saw Draven’s brow raise. “My wife.” He said with satisfaction at finally ending the charade and he saw Draven’s eyes widen as he lost his composure. Yes, he was very happy he’d listened to his instincts and stayed for dinner all those years ago.

**Author's Note:**

> So... tell me what you think? I hope you enjoyed it.


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